Tale F For Fig

BLIND DATE OBSERVER
This week we sent another set of singletons out for dinner. How did they get on?

PROFILES/ RELATIONSHIP STATUS?
Christine Bale, 29, Psycho-Analyst/ Bar Manager.

Well I’ve been a “Single lady” (whoop!!!!!) for one year now, so while not exactly looking for love, I’d definitely shake it’s hand if it came up and found me!!!!!!

My last relationship lasted for one year and ended fantastically, though a bit sadly but we are still brilliant friends, thank God! I’m even friends with his new girlfriend on facebook!! And other than that, nothing else to report!!!!!!!! Oh! And Pisces.

Tim Feathers, 30, Retired Semi- Professional Cricket Player, Graphic Designer and DJ
Single. Leo.

FAVOURITE FOOD?
Christine: Anything with sugar in it and you have me!!!! Can’t walk past Hummingbird Bakery without stealing a Black-Bottomed cup-cake. (Don’t ACTUALLY steal them, I DO pay! Ha!! ;-/)
Tim: Thai/ Asian Fusion.

FAVOURITE FILM?
Christine: Remains of The Day (Can I *cheekily* have two?) and (;-*) Star Wars (I know!! I’m such a GUY!!!!)
Tim: Withnail and I.

FAVOURITE BOOK?
Christine: Remains of the Day (Totes loved both the book and film!! Thompson sucker!) and Eat, Pray Love (two again, I know, cheeky! Eek! J)
Tim: Girl With Dragon Tattoo 1, Girl With Dragon Tattoo 2 and Girl With Dragon Tattoo 3.

HOBBIES?
Christine: I LOVE going for meals, going to the cinema, reading, watching films, shopping, chatting with friends, watching TV, going out dancing, watching comedy and I know this will sound a bit mental but I also sculpt using butter.
I had a giant industrial fridge moved into my sitting room and I use lard and butter to make busts of people. It’s a really wonderful medium to use. For my latest project I’m sculpting busts of the thirteen victims of Bloody Sunday in Northern Ireland in 1972 and then when I take them out of the fridge, they begin to melt and it looks like they’re crying. Obviously I can’t leave them out for too long or they congeal a bit. Oh and I also LOVE music.
Tim:
I love cooking and gigs. (music, not footballer. ha.)

BIGGEST TURN ON?
Christine: Now THAT would be telling!! 😉
Tim: Ass/ Being comfortable in herself.
Christine: Paying for things.

BIGGEST TURN OFF?
Christine: Being racist or small minded (I’m massively not racist so would totally have to take it one day at a time with someone who wasn’t.) And beards. (Ouchville, Tenessee!!)
Tim: Ugg boots, not making effort/ not shaving her muff.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS?
Christine: Tim was an absolute gentleman and we had LOADS to talk about. He was chatty and friendly and I LOVED the americanny, englishy radio accent. He looked quite handsome and even though he had sideburns, I was happy to see that he had no beard!!!! Though I did wonder about shorts on a first date. (sozzles Tim!)
Tim: Bit fat.

WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT?
Christine: Well Tim was really interested in what I had to say about the Arab conflict in the middle East. It’s such a weird time for the world with everything that happened in Egypt and Libya!
And he had a really funny quiz on his phone where he compared Gadaffi with Charlie Sheen and that was really funny, so we had a real laugh about that. He was also really interested in my family and all of my family stories (they are madmadmad :-{). He had some really funny jokes and I’m a real comedy nerd so I love jokes and I often find things funny and he really liked the joke I told as well, so yeah mainly politics and comedy and he loves sports too because of his jobs.
And also he was really into his technology and that was impressive because I am useless! (technotard alert!)
Tim: Story about her sister who’s a lawyer or teacher. Showed her Gadaffi/ Sheen Quiz- EXCELLENT. Look it up. She kept mentioning how bad she was at everything and that I’d have to help her. Also Africa, comedy, cricket, the Ashes, Strauss, what I was going to order.

TABLE MANNERS?
Christine: The perfect gentleman- although he does hold his fork like a spear!! (tee hee- sorry Tim! Ah!)
Tim: Normal. She went to loo a few times to fix her face. I got chatting to waiter (Portuguese dude. Right laugh. Mental bloke. Gave me free shots every time she went to loo). She did hold her knife like a pen and did say she was a vegetarian and had the chicken. Or maybe it was diabetic. I think she said she gets hyper if she has beef.

ANY AWKWARD MOMENTS?
Christine: Not really, though he did get a weeeeee bit tipsy and started cursing quite bit. Sorry Timmers! Maybe I’m just a prude but I hate the C word, but other than that the convo flowed like a river.
Tim: No. She got a bit drunk and flirty with me towards the end. She kept looking at my crotch/ man-sword. Oh also she brought up her dead parent. I can’t remember which one, but it was awkward then.

BEST THING ABOUT HIM?
Christine: His laugh, amazing sense of humour, those (!) eyes, his jobs. He also told me some intimate things about his life and his past which I didn’t expect and that was really open and brave of him.

BEST THING ABOUT HER?
Tim: She pretended she didn’t want loads of her food so I got a lot of the end bits. Also her face got better every time she came back from the loo.

WORST THING ABOUT HIM?
Christine: Nothing! Can’t Say! Great Guy! Total Catch! WOOPWOOP X10.

WORST THING ABOUT HER?
Tim: Bit fat.

DID YOU GO ON SOMEWHERE?
Christine: Eek, sure did…we went on to a pub that Tim DJ’ed at once.
Tim: Some of my mates were spinning the decks at a venue I gig at, so I brought her down there.

MARKS OUT OF TEN?
Christine: We both decided to give each other the same marks so here it is Tim! 11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xxxxxx
Tim: 6

WOULD YOU MEET AGAIN?

Christine: Honestly, I don’t think there was a relationship ‘spark’ but deffo for friendship and coffee. Tim is a great guy but toward the end of the evening I think that we both realised that we just weren’t suited for each other.
He pushed me over onto the road as a joke and then made me pay for his Kebab but forgot to order me anything and then when I asked him if he would give me a bite, he wiped mayonnaise in my hair and ran down the street with my handbag. When he walked back up the street, he was crying about an illness that his cousin has had and he said that that was why he did it and then I felt sorry for him.
He then shouted to everyone that I was his new girlfriend and he started singing Oasis’s Champagne Super nova with this tramp (can I say tramp??!!) who had a guitar.

I really like music but I don’t really like Oasis (sorry Tim!!). He then walked me to the tube and as I was about to go he told me that if I didn’t give him my number he would run away with my hand bag again. I took his number as I had to go.
I may call him in a few weeks to see if he wants to meet up for a cup of tea in town one day down the road. BIG LOVE!!XXX.

Tim: Yes. We’re doing another date. She took my number. Why, what did she say about me? You gonna edit this?